When we have a good idea, we often want to stick to the exact plan in our minds. We worry that if we give authority to other people, the project will fail because they don’t have the same passions and visions that we do. However, if our idea is meant to serve other people, it is absolutely essential that we include those affected in the planning process. According to Getrude Matshe If we stick entirely to our own plans and disregard the input of those that we serve, the project is bound to fail.
Getrude Matshe is an inspirational speaker who is currently spearheading women’s economic forum in NM and involved globally. Getrude is passionate about helping people achieve their full potential and find their individual life purpose. This makes her an energetic, inspirational and enlightening speaker. Getrude has written several books and is now a book writing coach. She is currently living in New Mexico, Lecturing part time at UNM while researching and writing her first screen play and is an Independent Film maker.
What You’ll Discover in This Episode!
- How you can determine which people to have at your side when you’re in the idea-developing part of creating a plan or project
- How relinquishing full control over your ideas may actually lead to their success
- How you can recover when your ideas are rejected by others
- Why it is important to have flexibility and ‘lead from behind’ to get greater results
More About Gertrude
Something Getrude has learned over years of creating innovative, unique projects is is that you must be selective in who you share your dreams with. She compares a budding idea to a fetus; “if you’re pregnant, you nurture that baby, make sure nothing happens to it.” She explains that an idea can be destroyed by someone who is unable to see your vision, so it is in your best interest to share only with those who you know will be supportive and can understand the way your mind and actions work. “The minute someone says ‘that’s impossible,’” she explains, “I know I shouldn’t go further with that person- they don’t see it and they don’t get it.” This is a great insight to recognize, because it helps to iterate that it is not your idea that is weak, it is simply a failure of two minds to see the same vision.
While Getrude is particular about who she shares her ideas with in the beginning stages, once the ball is rolling she knows through experience that she must be willing to turn the project over to those it impacts most. “I’ve learned to manage from behind,” she says, explaining, “I’ve always found the more you can give people responsibility, the more you can empower them.” In this way, the individuals she gives responsibility to step up to fulfill the needs of the project and become inspired by both their own empowerment and the success of the work. This also helps to put Getrude and the people that she works with on the same plane. Instead of her coming in and forcing her ideas on others, everyone has equal input. This method has worked again and again, she explains, and she is “always pleasantly surprised by what the women come up with themselves.”
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Self-love can take on many meanings. It can convey self care, nurturing self-confidence, embracing selfishness, or it can even taken on a sexual meaning. For Self Serve owner Matie Fricker, these meanings are fluid and interconnected. After ten years of owning and running a successful adult shop and resource center while always working to make mental, emotional, and physical health a priority, Matie understands that all of these definitions are integral to self-love. Nonetheless, she sees that sexual self care is often one of the most overlooked for reasons such as taboo, shame, or lack of access to education and resources.
My guest today is Matie Fricker. Matie is owner of Self Serve, a sex-positive, health- and education-focused adult shop and resource center. Matie has been awarded the 2008 Tough Cookie Award from the National Association for Women Business Owners, Best Sexy Shop in ABQ’s Alibi Weekly Newspaper for 8 years and Albuquerque Pride’s Outstanding Retail Store Award. One of her proudest accomplishments was causing Rush Limbaugh to say “female orgasm” on-air multiple times. In this episode Matie and I talk about how to care for yourself even when you feel unlovable, why it’s important to allow yourself to have self-doubt days, and how her definition of success has evolved throughout her career.
What You’ll Discover in this Episode
- How to prioritize self care even when you are feeling unlovable
- Why it is important to honor and heal your relationship with your body if you want to make an impact in matters outside of yourself
- How concepts around sex and concepts around social justice are interrelated
More About Matie
Before opening Self Serve, Matie was headed for a career in law. At the time she was “killing herself to be acceptable” so she gave herself permission to take a job at a sex shop as an escape from the pressures of law school. When she went to work, it “opened up my heart… I saw lives change.” But Matie was conflicted- was she really going to drop out of law school to work in a sex shop? Her sister gave her the sage advice that helped make the answer clear: “what can you do for hours and hours and feel like minutes pass?”
“People are so surprised that [Self Serve] is so nice,” she explains, “as if sexuality is something that we don’t deserve nice things around.” For her working means that she gets to help people “honor our sexuality as being a part of ourselves and our wholeness.” This concept is important in every facet of our lives. We know that self care must come first in order for us to live our lives and make a difference as much as possible, so why would sexual health and acceptance be excluded? “If we’re not embodied we can’t fight the fights we need to in the world.”
Running a sex shop, Matie is intimate with issues around body positivity and body shaming in our culture. She takes an unusual stance on body image. She tells people they ought to “give yourself permission to not love your body… if you hate your body today, go ahead.” She sees that shaming yourself for not having a positive body image is simply creating more shame rather than inspiring body positivity itself. Instead, she suggests that even if you don’t feel lovable, “show up for yourself as if you are lovable.” “Big picture,” she explains, “you are worthy of being loved whether you love yourself or not.”
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With the holiday season approaching, we can anticipate parties, dinners, and alcohol consumption. When I go to holiday parties I like to bring a gift; dessert, an appetizer, or a bottle of wine. While I can pinpoint with some certainty the kinds of wines that I like, up until recently it was a mystery to me why I was drawn to the wines that I enjoy. In today’s episode, I get the chance to talk to two experts about why women are drawn to the wines that they are, how wine affects women’s bodies, and I learn some great tips for wine consumption and etiquette!
In this episode I speak with Dr. Jan Werbinski and Ali Hill. Jan is the medical director of the YWCA medical program in Kalamazo, as well as the director of the Sex and Gender Women’s Health Collaborative. She is a board certified obgyn and was the medical director of Borgess Women’s Health, a women’s health center in Kalamazo. Ali Hill is a wine representative in Albuquerque who is currently studying to be a sommelier. I speak with Jan and Ali about the health benefits and risks of drinking wine, what wine consumption means for women and differences between the sexes, and how both women handle working around a topic, alcohol, that is dominated by men.
What You’ll Discover in This Episode
- Tips for drinking wine in a healthy way
- What kinds of wines to pair with meals- a great tip for figuring out what to bring to a holiday party!
More About Jan and Ali
For Dr. Jan Werbinski, women’s relationship with wine is a microcosm for the way the medicine often overlooks the significance of biological differences between the sexes. Historically, when cognitive impairment has been studied, the experimental subjects have been men. This means that the possibility of drugs effecting women and men differently is neglected, which can lead to potentially harmful situations. In the case of alcohol consumption, women become “impaired earlier than men” and develop “damage to their vital organs sooner with smaller amounts of alcohol.” Jan explains that this newly realized information is a a step forward for women and research. With these new discoveries, bills are being passed to “try to fix that gap in our knowledge” by mandating a separation in studies for women and men.
For Ali Hill, understanding the way women drink wine is a part of her profession. As a wine representative and sommelier student, Ali understands biologically why women are drawn to certain types of wine, how different wines effect women versus men, and how you can choose the right wine to pair with a particular meal. She explains, “in my business we talk about the feminine palate. Women can pick up on flavors that men cannot.” With more sensitivity to taste, it makes sense that women tend to choose wine as their alcohol of choice than do men.
While women are more inclined to drink wine than are men, the wine industry is actually dominated by men. For Ali, this means understanding how to work with both male and female costumers and sellers. Ultimately, she finds that gender and wine are not so important as a wine seller, as “its’ not what I like or what the buyer likes, we’re looking for what the consumer wants.”
Check Out the Links Mentioned in This Episode!