When we’re embarking on a new project in our life: a business venture, a new relationship, children, everyone seems to have advice. At first, this seems like a blessing. There’s so much knowledge to be had, right next door! However, sometimes this advice can become overwhelming. Perhaps the person offering their wisdom is coming from a place of regretting their own experience, so their advice is more relevent to them and not necessarily useful for you. While usually well intentioned, sometimes these words will leave you feeling unprepared, overwhelmed, and insecure. According ot Modern Mommy Prepschool founder Sunit Suchdev, the best guide in leading you to make the right decisions is your own internal sense of values.
My guest today is Sunit Suchdev. Sunit is the founder Modern Twin Mom and Modern Mommy Prepschool. Modern Twin Mom is a parenting blog, providing advice to new moms about how to have balance in parenting and life and how to prepare for parenthood. Modern Mommy Prepschool is a mother prep course, aimed at helping new moms to prepare for parenthood in the modern world. In this episode Sunit and I talk about the importance of having curiousity rather than taking everything as truth when it comes to advice, why it’s important to prepare ahead of time when you’re thinking about having children or making decisions about any huge life change, and how your internal values are probably the best guide you can find.
What You’ll Discover in This Episode
- Sunit’s “Five Pillars” checklist to help you prepare for any new endevour
- How you can handle situations in which people are offering unsolicited advice
- What you can do when you are feeling overwhelmed, under-qualified, and uncertain of yourself
More About Sunit
Finding out about a pregnancy can be a very exciting event, but it can also feel scary. If you’ve never had a child before, it may seem that there are no models to look to, or too much advice that you are overwhelmed. Sunit suggests you start close to home. “Look around you,” she says, “you have tons of moms around you telling you what they’re struggling with or having success with.”
As a mother of twins, Sunit understands the common response when people see a round belly. Everyone wants to give their two cents. Sunit recommends expecting mothers “stay away from advice, but be very generous with your curiosity.” Look at the family dynamics that you admire and recognize what the members of the family do to create that structure.
Sunit mirrors this mentality in her mother coaching business: Modern Mommy Prepschool. By its nature, new or expecting mothers must seek her out to get direction and help in preparing for motherhood. And Sunit’s main message turns the light back to them; “use your own hopes and desires and values to guide the decisions you make.” Her biggest advice to uncertain new mothers is to remind them that their own internal sense of values and and intentions are their best guide. They are stronger and more prepared than they think.
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Most of us would be proud to call ourselves go-getters. It feels good to say you get ahead and you achieve your goals. Yet, for some of us, despite achieving the goals we set out, we still feel a sense of emptiness or lacking. Life and business coach Mary Hyatt explains that this is an important feeling to listen to. This feeling can be an indicator that your drive is coming from a place of self-defeat. That voice that tells you that you are not good enough or lovable just on your own- you must prove it. While Mary doesn’t bash those who are driven, she does explain that it is important to be sure that your drive is coming from joy rather than a yearning to be accepted, and she works with women everyday to fix this.
Mary Hyatt is a life and business coach, a holistic lifestyle advocate, and a Blue Diamond wellness advocate with doTERRA essential oils. After falling into a deep depression in her twenties, Mary had an awakening and realized that to live her life fully, she had to take charge of it. Mary works with women to “create exactly what they desire” in their lives through life and business coaching. While Mary lives in Nashville, she works with women across the country and is in the process of creating an online course to help women to love their bodies, no matter what size they are.
What You’ll Discover in This Episode
- How to recognize if your drive is coming from an unhealthy place, rather than a place of love
- How to change your attitude to accept that you are lovable just as you are- you don’t need to do anything to prove it
- How to move away from negative, self-defeating behavior and recognize the positive in your life
- What it means to say our thoughts are connected to our emotions, and how you can use this knowledge to empower yourself
More About Mary
In Mary’s twenties, she dropped out of college and fell into deep depression. She experiences anxiety regularly, felt completely uncomfortable in her own skin, and gained 80 lbs. She recalls walking into the bathroom one day, looking in the mirror, and no longer recognizing herself. “The exterior wasn’t matching who I am on the inside.” She realized she didn’t want to live her life like that any more. “I was so numbed out, I was dead to the world- sleepwalking.”
Mary explains that “becoming aware” was the first part of her transformation. She began to look at her behaviors and her ways of thinking to find the “route cause of all of the numbing.” In addition, she became a student. She bought book upon book about self discovery and self help, finally depending on herself to take control of her life and read the books.
Today, Mary focuses on sharing what she has discovered in her journey with others. She focuses on helping women to learn to love themselves so they aren’t living their lives trying to earn love from others. At the moment she is particularly interested in living in the moment and acknowledging the positive. “We often relate to others on suffering, pain, hardships,” she explains, “it’s rare that people respond [to ‘how are you doing’ with a positive response.” Her current goal is to challenge herself to see “how good can I stand it before I feel like I need to self sabotage?”
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When we work in teams we often propel ourselves forward with end goal in mind. Perhaps there are some kinks in the team dynamic, or maybe there is a smooth team structure, but generally speaking the final product is where our energy is placed, not on developing a strong team. For Enlightened Teams and Leadership trainer Karin Lubin, perhaps we ought to switch our thinking. According to her, if we focus on creating a deeply connected and communicative team, then the process bringing us to the end product, as well as the end product itself, will be stronger.
Karin is a professional trainer, facilitator, organizational development consultant/coach and speaker. She is General Manager of Enlightened Alliances is a Passion Test Master Trainer, and is co-Founder of Quantum Leap, a consulting business she started with her husband. Karin works primarily with Enlightened Teams and Leadership model. The Enlightened Team formula strategically enhances greater connection with others, supports healthy self-care habits, and brings out your team’s natural brilliance. Prior to her work with Enlightened Teams, Karin worked in public education for 20 + years as K-8 teacher and administrator for K-8 grades in California. In this episode, Karin and I talk about how to make each member of a team feel satisfied and work better together, how to feel more purposeful in your work, and how to recognize when it’s time to make a change.
What You’ll Discover In This Episode
- The importance of developing Enlightened Teams and how you can create them
- How to bring elements of the Enlightened Teams and Leadership model into your teams
- Karin’s seven step system for being connected to your emotional state and working through difficult feelings
More About Karin
Prior to working with Enlightened Alliances, Karin worked in education as a teach, administrator, Vice Principle and Principle. During this time Karin came to see her strength in connecting others and connecting with others. She also, eventually, came to see that she did not want to be working in education. “I had bought into the idea that I had to move on this career path forever. I felt responsible, I didn’t know how to get off of the track.” Twenty years into her education career, Karin discovered Janet Atwood’s Passion Test, and she realized that she could change her career path, and that she had the power to make that shift. Karin quit her job, did some traveling, and returned home to pursue her true calling: the developing and management of teams.
When Karin returned from her travels, and she her husband began Quantum Leap Consulting & Coaching, a consulting group that helps individuals to discover and sustain their passions. Since starting Quantum Leap, Karin has focused in on working with groups with the Enlightened Teams and Leadership model. With the Enlightened Team model, there is more of an emphasis on working well together, making sure everyone in the group feels purposeful and happy, and working to everyones’ strengths. “When people feel heard in whatever their strengths are,” she says, “the team becomes more expansive and does better.”
While creating greater employee satisfaction is a good thing, Karin explains that creating Enlightened Teams does more than this. “If someone is not happy, it impacts the group. If you have people who are happy, it makes a huge difference [on the outcome].” If we are working better together, we also create greater, stronger, and more solid outcomes.
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When friends ask you how you are doing, I bet the response is often ‘busy.’ Most of us would probably be hesitant to add more to our schedule. Particularly if we already juggle more than one roles and struggle to fit everything in each day. For former Santa Fe City Council candidate Kate Kennedy, adding a huge new endeavor into her schedule actually made her become more efficient and pragmatic with her time. Since her time was limited, she learned to make “the time I was spending on each thing become dedicated.” Sometimes it’s those intensely wearing episodes that lead us to step up and find the strengths we didn’t even know where there.
Born and raised in Santa Fe, Kate Kennedy is the Managing Partner of Skylight, a locally owned and operated music and entertainment venue located in the heart of downtown Santa Fe. Her community involvement includes: Chair of the Santa Fe Prom Closet Board, Santa Fe Chamber of Commerce Board, Member of City of Santa Fe CBQL (City Business Quality of Life) Committee, Santa Fe Prep Alumni Board, NM Cocktails and Culture Advisory Board, Youth Shelters Board, Served as Co-Vice Chair for Santa Fe’s Nighttime Economy Taskforce, and she ran for City Council in 2016. Kate is a graduate of the University of Miami and a proud community advocate. Today I speak with Kate about the challenges of working in a male-dominated field, bringing a female perspective to nightlife, and how running for City Council taught her the importance of using her time efficiently.
What You’ll Discover in This Episode:
- How to make your voice heard in a typically male-dominated field
- Tips for managing and prioritizing your time so that each minute is used meaningfully
- How to deal with criticism and attacks without taking personal offense
More About Kate Running for City Council was not Kate’s first experience balancing many responsibilities. After graduating from college at University of Miami, she moved back to her hometown of Santa Fe and began working as marketing coordinator for Los Alamos National Bank. She soon became involved in the nightlife of Santa Fe, taking on a partnership at Skylight nightclub. Kate is also an an activist, so she was “working at a bank during the day, nightlife in evening, and [participated in] nonprofit boards.” When she decided to run for City Council, she knew she had to make some changes to simply have the time and stamina to make it work. She recalls, “my head was in one place and my heart was in another and my body was exhausted.” Kate decided to leave the bank and focus on Skylight and City Council, (still a lot for one person), which forced her to “prioritize and compartmentalize, which was interesting and rewarding and scary all at the same time.” Although Kate was not voted into City Council, she is grateful for the experience. “I learned that I’m a lot stronger than I thought that I was.” She doesn’t deny that the experience was difficult. Being in the public eye, and being faced with public scrutiny, forced her to reach within and find inner sources of strength. As a woman in the male-dominated field of nightclub work, Kate is familiar with having to work harder than the rest to prove herself, and learn to keep her ground. She’s come out stronger from the experience, and hopes to have “made the path a little smoother for those behind me.”
Describe one personal habit that contributes to your well-being:
Adult coloring books.
What super power did you discover you had only to realize it was there all the time?
What advice would you give to your 25 or 30 year old self?
Slow down, enjoy the moments you have, and support those around you.
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As women, particularly those of us venturing out into sectors that are primarily male-dominated, we are sometimes confronted with conflict or confusion that arises out of misunderstandings. These situations are usually not a result of malice or deceit, but rather a lack of understanding of another’s experience or perspective. For New Mexico Democratic Chairwoman Debra Haaland, it is precisely this reason why having differing perspectives in politics is so important. It is particularly integral to include a variety of perspectives and experiences in positions of power, as those roles have the influence to determine where and to whom we should be dedicating resources and research.
Debra Haaland currently serves as the Chairwoman of the Democratic Party of New Mexico, and recently served as the delegation chair at the Democratic National Convention. As a member of the Pueblo of Laguna in New Mexico, Debra is the first Native American woman to lead a major state party in the country. Prior to leading the Democratic Party of New Mexico, she became the first Native American woman to run for lieutenant governor in New Mexico. Today I speak with Debra about the importance of diversity in politics, the issues about which she is passionate, and where she hopes to see politics in New Mexico and the US go.
What You’ll Discover in This Episode
- How Debra is able to make a difference, even in the face of opposition and adverseray
- Debra’s tips and advice for getting her voice heard and organizing others to get their opinions voiced as well
- How Debra uses traditional values and culture to keep herself well
More About Debra
As a woman and a Native American in politics, Debra is familiar with serving as the voice of underrepresented populations. She explains that her life experiences contribute to her motivation to participate in politics. “I understand what it’s like to raise a child.. I know what it’s like to apply for food stamps.” Debra encourages other women to seek out positions in politics, suggesting that the more viewpoints we have, the better. “There are a lot of women out there taking care of their elder parents, working a job or two. They would bring a different perspective.”
She both understands the struggles of women, and seeks to inspire them. She recalls a tweet she received after the Democratic National Convention, where she had worn a dress typical of customs.. A young girl had tweeted that she wanted a dress just like hers. If Debra’s public presence can inspire a young girl to get involved in her community, it makes the work worth it. “By inspiring people you can lead them to doing good for someone else.”
Debra is a big believer in the importance of participation in public office. During the 2008 election she volunteered by campaigning on reservations, encouraging native people to register to vote. When everyone participates politically, they are taking part in creating their future. “We’re stronger together,” she explains.
The importance of community voice is something that provides Debra with a sense of wellness on a personal level. Having been raised in Pueblo culture, she learned that “when you’re taking care of your community, your family, then everything is fine. As long as everyone’s okay, you’re okay too.”
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